


white noise in my mind

by alison



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Recreational Drug Use, Sexual Content, brief references to band break up and zayn's departure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-23 21:44:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4893436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alison/pseuds/alison
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>louis accidentally sends niall a video of himself wanking. and then he sends more on purpose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	white noise in my mind

**Author's Note:**

> unbetaed, unbritpicked. sorry if there are any mistakes!

Niall is at home, enjoying a relaxing evening off before the final leg of the tour starts up, when his phone buzzes next to him, receiving a message. He opens it to see that it’s a video from Louis and frowns, wondering what it could be. Knowing him, it could be any number of things.

When he presses play, he thinks that Louis has jokingly sent him porn. It’s someone recording themselves wanking, probably taken with a cell phone. It feels like it takes him way too fucking long to figure it out, but in reality it’s probably just a few seconds later. And then he realises that he’s watching _Louis_ wank.

He goes numb with shock as he watches his mate stroking his cock, pink and wet at the tip. He listens, his heart dropping when he hears Louis moaning, soft and breathy. The video is only a minute long and it ends with him coming into his fist, his face never showing. Niall stares at the screen of his phone once it’s finished and the thumbnail is displayed again, wondering what the fuck to say to that. Why the fuck would Louis _send_ him that?

He watches it again, just to be sure he’s not mistaken, and then types out, _wtf bro why did i just watch you wank_ , with shaky fingers.

And then he watches it again, with headphones in this time.

It takes a few minutes before he gets a response from Louis: _ohh fuckkk sorry mate my badd meant ta send to someobe else_. And then, a minute later, _shitt sorry im wasted pretend you didnt seee that k????_

Niall ignores the bulge that’s now present in his trackies, ignores the question nagging in his mind – who did he mean to send it to? – and agrees with a simple “okay” before putting his phone down and turning back to his telly.

He makes it an hour before he opens his phone and watches the video again, biting his lip bloody.

-

The problem is that he can’t delete the video. He can’t make it disappear from his texts with Louis, so it’s too easy to scroll up and see it there, watch it again and again. By the next day, he has it memorised from start to finish. It’s fucked up, he knows. He shouldn’t watch it; it wasn’t meant for him. But he can’t delete the fucking thing and he can’t really ignore its presence either.

The afternoon after receiving it, he texts Louis: _so who are you sending wank vids?_ He doesn’t actually want to know, but he does worry. Even though Louis hadn’t shown his face, his tattoos had been visible, if blurry. Someone could easily sell it to a tabloid. All of them have to be careful about shit like that; they don’t want a sex tape scandal.

_you apparently haha_ , Louis texts back. And then, _girl i met a few days ago dared me. don’t worry, after i sent it to you, i didn’t bother actually sending it to her._

Niall nods to himself, pleased that he’s the only one who got the video. He tries to tell himself that he’s just relieved that it won’t get leaked, but there’s something else to it, too. He types: _good :) even w/out your face in it, your tats are. don’t be sending that shit to people you just met._

_did you watch the whole thing??_ Louis replies quickly.

Niall’s cheeks flush even though he’s alone and there’s no way that Louis can know how many times he watched it, or the fact that it got him inexplicably hard. He responds carefully, typing, _yeah bro didn’t know it was you at first. thought you sent me porn haha._

_did it work for ya then nialler?_ , Louis replies, along with half a dozen winking emojis and a rocket ship.

Niall considers making some disgusted denial, but he knows that it won’t come across sincere. Instead, he decides to hide behind sarcasm. _rocked my world, tommo._

Louis answers, _hahahaha knew it_ , and Niall rolls his eyes, dropping his phone. He doesn’t even know why it had affected him the way it had, the way it still is when he closes his eyes and sees Louis’ fingers tight around his cock. Honestly, he’s always been a bit fascinated by Louis and now, this is like getting to see an aspect of his mate that he’s never gotten to see before. He’s seen everything else, Louis being an unholy terror and Louis crying because he misses his family. He’s seen all of it except for this side and now he’s got a one-minute peak at it and he can’t deny that it’s exciting.

He also can’t deny that he kind of wants to see more, but he’ll keep that to himself.

-

The short break is going well. Niall uses it like a test run for the upcoming hiatus because he’s worried that he’ll be bored out of his head once the band splits up for a bit. And of course a couple of weeks is nothing like the indefinite expanse of time that he’ll have next year, but he tries to imagine what it’ll be like. Maybe it won’t be the worst thing.

They’re less than a week out from the first London show when he gets a text from Louis. It’s not an uncommon occurrence, but when he sees that it’s a video, his breath catches. Eoghan is on his sofa next to him, so Niall mutters that he’ll be right back and heads into his bedroom. It can’t be what he thinks it is; Louis would never _purposely_ send him a video of himself wanking.

He grabs his headphones anyway, just in case, and plugs them into his phone. Once he’s all settled, sat on the edge of his bed, he finally presses play. He nearly chokes when he sees that it’s Louis’ dick again, wrapped up in his fist.

He’s louder this time, his breath audible and shuddered as he works his hand over his cock quickly. He seems more into it this time, or maybe he’s just putting on more of a show. When Niall thinks about that, Louis putting more effort into the video that’s just for _him_ , he starts to feel lightheaded.

“Fuck,” Louis breathes through the headphones, sending Niall into a mild frenzy. He sounds fucking incredible like this, just from his own hand. Niall wonders if he’d sound even better if it was someone else getting him off.

The video cuts off before he comes and Niall frowns at his screen, furiously tapping the video to figure out what’s happened to the rest of it. It’s not there, though, and Niall _wants_ it. He watches it through again, and then takes a moment to calm down before typing out a message, hoping it sounds less frantic than he’s feeling.

_no cumshot? 6/10 bro you can do better haha_

He sends it, cringing at underlying desperation that he can so clearly see in the message. He hopes that Louis can’t see it, but honestly, Louis can see everything. He’s pretty fucking incredible at reading people and the fact that he’s sent another video at all tells Niall that he knows that Niall wants to see more. As long as they can act casual about it, like it’s not a big deal, then maybe it won’t be.

_just wanted to see if you’d actually watch it the whole way through ;),_ Louis sends back, and then, moments later, sends another shorter video. It’s the rest of it, picking up where the last one had left off as he jacks himself until he’s coming. Niall watches it, his stomach curling, and he debates over whether he can bring himself to get off to a video of his mate wanking. He hadn’t been able to do it last time, had put his phone away before he’d touched himself.

This time, he turns the volume up on his headphones and shoves his hand into his shorts, throwing caution to the wind as he alternates playing the two videos until he comes in his pants.

-

He gets two more videos, similar to the previous ones, over the next week. Louis gets more vocal in each one, murmuring curses and letting out little moans. They get longer, too, letting Niall see more than just a minute or so before he comes. Each time, he replies with a casual little comment about them, as if he’s not typing one-handed because the other one is covered in his own come from getting off on it.

He doesn’t ask why Louis is sending him these things and he doesn’t show how much it affects him. He treats it like a game, because he’s sure that it is. He just doesn’t know what the rules are, so he knows that he has to proceed with caution.

And then comes the Apple Music Festival. He’s nervous as he waits backstage for Louis to show up, not sure how things will be with him now. Maybe this has all been an elaborate prank and he’s about to be humiliated. Or maybe it’ll just be awkward.

When Louis does show up, Niall is surprised to see that it’s like nothing has changed at all. Louis smiles and pulls him into a half-hug before yelling at one of the crew and running after them. When he comes back, he asks Niall if he saw the footie match the day before, completely casual. For a moment, Niall even panics that someone else had sent him the videos, like Louis doesn’t know about it at all. That doesn’t make any sense, of course, but he’s acting so completely normal that Niall is thrown off.

They do a couple of interviews and go through soundcheck and it’s all completely standard except that, in Niall’s pocket is his phone, and on that phone are several videos of Louis wanking. He’s tempted to sneak off and watch them, just to remind himself that they _are_ actually there and he’s not insane. He can’t risk getting a stiffy before going on stage, though, so he doesn’t do it.

The show goes well up until he starts to feel like he can’t breathe. They’ve been playing open-air stadiums for so long that the smaller venue, packed with people, starts to feel confining. It’s hot in there, no breeze to cool them down, and Niall starts feeling dizzy. He gets through the show, but afterward he barely makes it to the closest chair before his knees buckle.

Heaving into a bucket is, admittedly, not the greatest memory to take with him of the night, but Louis is there, rubbing his back, and he holds onto that part of it. Louis’ never been very good at talking through emotions or anything like that, but he’s surprisingly good with illness and injury. It surely comes with the territory of having so many younger siblings.

When he’s finally feeling a little better, Louis walks with him to the car, making sure that he’s gotten in alright. Niall lies down across the backseat and smiles into the leather when he feels a hand encircle his ankle, giving it a little squeeze before the door is shut.

-

There are no more videos sent to him until they’re well into the O2 shows. A few nights in, Niall gets another one out of the blue an hour after he gets home. This one is shot in a loo and Niall isn’t sure if Louis is out somewhere and snuck off to the toilets to film himself wanking or if it was taken earlier at the venue. The background noise is muffled enough that he can’t tell. He’s too focused on Louis’ dick to worry about it anyway.

He’s got the volume up, headphones on, and when Louis mumbles something, he can hear it clearly. _Too_ clearly. So clearly that he whimpers out loud himself, clawing at his own thigh.

“Gonna come, Niall,” Louis’ voice says, like a punch to Niall’s gut.

The sound of his name, breathy and tight, spilling out of Louis right before he comes into his hand is phenomenal. It’s overwhelming, really, and Niall takes a moment to acknowledge that they’ve stepped into new territory now. He still doesn’t know the rules, but he understands that he’s not meant to. This is Louis’ game; Niall just has to enjoy the ride.

And he does enjoy it, so much that he gets off in record time, playing that bit over and over, Louis’ voice mumbling his name.

After, when his cock is going soft and his hand is wet, he wrestles with what to text Louis back. He’s not sure how to keep it casual this time; his head is too fucked up by the new development. He decides to keep it simple, not wanting to ruin the game.

_you’re getting better at this bro,_ he types, and then collapses back on his bed.

-

He doesn’t receive another video as they finish out their string of shows at the O2. Things with Louis still haven’t changed and it’s almost like their relationship exists on two totally different planes: one, the same old friendship they’ve always had in person, and the other, this whole new thing they’ve got going on, strictly limited to the screens of their phones.

After a week of nothing, though, he starts to think that it’s over. It’s not until they get to Glasgow, the night before the first show there, that he finally gets another video. He’s in bed in the hotel when it pops up on his phone and he scrambles to find his headphones and plug them in before playing the video.

This one is different than the others in a couple of ways. First, Louis is also in his hotel bed, just a few doors down from Niall. Being so close makes it feel different, more intimate in a way. Niall could easily walk down the hall and knock on his door and the two planes of their relationship’s existence could intersect.

And second, Louis starts the video by talking.

“Sorry I haven’t sent anything in a while,” he says quietly, his voice low and raspy. The video is of his dick, though, his hand stroking it slowly. “Know how much you like these little videos. Probably been dying for more, haven’t you?”

Niall bites down on his bottom lip, his cheeks flaming at the accusation and the truth behind it.

“Y’know, it’s a bit impolite of you not to send anything back. What’s the saying? I’ll show you mine, you show me yours? So when I’ve finished, I think you ought to show me yours, mate.”

Niall’s throat goes dry at the thought of it, filming himself wanking. He’s never done that, always too worried about the video getting into the wrong hands. But, honestly, if that’s what Louis wants, then he’ll get it.

This time, he gets several videos. Usually he only gets the last minute or two, once Louis’ already getting close, but tonight the videos come in segments. Niall realises that Louis is sending them as it happens, that he’s wanking just down the hall as Niall watches, and that’s also new. Usually he just gets them when it’s all said and done. It’s more interactive this way, like Niall is a part of it.

There are six videos in all and by the end of the second one, he’s fully hard. The sixth one is the best one though. Louis breathes out, “Fuck yeah, Niall,” as he gets close, and then, rambling, “Can’t wait to see you do this, bet you’re so hard right now, fuck,” before his words give way to a cracked little moan as he spills over his fist.

Niall is frozen, staring at the screen of his phone as the video ends, and he goes back to his text conversation, a string of video thumbnails there. Usually he would watch them through again, or maybe just that last one on repeat, and get himself off. But a final text pops up, reminding him that things are different this time.

_up for it??_

Fuck. He knows that it’ll be quick and maybe that should embarrass him, the idea of showing Louis how turned on he is, but it also makes it easier. There won’t be much to film at least.

“Christ,” he mumbles as he navigates to his camera app, pushing the waistband of his trackies down along with his pants to free his cock.

He gets his dick in the frame and gives himself a few strokes before hitting record, just to see what it looks like on the screen. When he’s satisfied, he starts recording, pulling at his cock, already getting off on the idea of Louis watching this. He gives himself a few seconds to get into it before he quickens his pace, squeezing his fingers around himself.

His dick isn’t huge, he knows. Louis’ looks rather big in the videos, certainly bigger than Niall’s. But that doesn’t deter him from any of this; he moans softly as he wanks himself, hearing Louis’ voice saying his name in his head. He doesn’t dare say anything himself just in case he gets too comfortable and says too much, something like, “Wish we could do this for real, wish you’d let me wank you, wish I could suck you off, see what you taste like.”

This is Louis’ game, after all; he can’t throw out something new like that because he doesn’t know how far Louis is willing to push it. He can’t risk scaring him away and losing all of it.

It only takes him a couple of minutes before he’s coming, letting out an embarrassing whimper and thinking _Louis, Louis, Louis_. Once he’s finished, he considers watching it through to make sure it’s not too horrifying, but he knows that he can’t back down now. With just enough post-orgasm adrenaline left, he sends it off to Louis without another thought, hoping that he likes it.

He doesn’t move to clean himself up or tuck himself back in as he waits for some sort of response. He waits a couple of minutes, and then a couple more. A couple of minutes after that, he finally gets a reply. It’s just two emojis, no text. Two thumbs up.

Niall laughs, his cheeks pink, and finally goes to clean himself up.

-

The tour rolls on and the end gets closer and closer. They go to Dublin, which is incredible because Niall sees everyone from back home, his family and friends, even old schoolteachers. He feels like he knows half of the audience at those shows and it makes him feel like he’s glowing.

And then it’s up to Belfast. And that’s where, the night after the first show, he gets a text from Louis. It’s not a video this time, just a few words that makes his skin flash hot in a second.

_heyy you awake? want a live show???_

Niall has thought about it, watching Louis get off in person. He’s thought about that and then some, but he’s never considered it in realistic terms. It’s always been a far-fetched fantasy, something nice to think about. So now that Louis is actually offering, Niall is nervous as fuck.

_seriously?,_ he types, not sure what else to say.

_yah bro cmere room 218_

Niall is pretty sure that Louis’ stoned and he’s not sure if that makes it better or worse. There might be less pressure that way, but thinking that maybe Louis would never do this without the help of the drugs makes him feel unsure about it. He doesn’t want to do anything that either of them will regret in the morning.

Instead of texting him back, he decides to go see for himself. If Louis is too fucked up, he’ll just leave and wank to the old videos. When he gets there, though, the swing lock is flipped open between the door and the frame – fucking _stupid_ – and Louis is sprawled out on his bed with his cock in his hand. He’s bare from the waist down, with a vest on, and it looks a bit ridiculous, but Niall is too focused on his cock, right there in person, to think much of it.

“Hey, you came,” he says with a lazy smile. His strokes over himself are just as lazy, like he’s been treading water, waiting for Niall to get there.

“Don’t leave your fucking door open anymore, Lou,” Niall chastises, if only because it gives him something to think about other than the fact that this is really happening, Louis is actually wanking in front of him. In person. Within reach.

The planes are intersecting; text Louis and real life Louis are merging and it’s _mad._

“Didn’t want to get up to let you in,” Louis answers with a shrug, unbothered.

Niall takes a moment to judge his level of intoxication. His eyes are a little droopy and he seems hazy, but he’s not unaware. He’s not as fucked up as Niall has seen him before, that’s for sure. So, after a few seconds of hesitation, Niall steps closer to the bed, his breath stuttering in his chest.

Louis looks fucking incredible like this.

“Get comfortable,” Louis mumbles, wiping his free hand over the empty space next to him.

If Niall knew better, he’d think this is some kind of dream. He still doesn’t know the rules, so he follows Louis’ direction, sitting on the bed with as much space as possible between them. Louis’ cock is definitely on the big side, thick enough that his short fingers barely touch where they’re wrapped around it. There’s a very slight upward curve as well that Niall had seen in the videos, but not quite so clearly. Up close like this, it’s a very nice looking dick.

Niall isn’t sure if he ever would have said that about a dick a month ago. He certainly wouldn’t have been looking at one with his mouth watering.

“Fuck,” Louis breathes out, and when Niall looks up, he’s looking right back at him. “So hot watching you watch me,” he says, his eyes lidded.

Niall’s heart trips in his chest and he forces a smile. “Figured that out a while ago, mate.”

Louis smiles again, another lazy little smirk, and his hand moves a bit faster. “Was hot seeing you, too,” he mumbles. “Seeing how turned on you were just from watching me.” His gaze slides down and, at first, Niall thinks he’s closing his eyes, but they stop on Niall’s crotch. He’s wearing a loose pair of shorts without pants underneath and, looking down at himself, the outline of his cock is clearly visible.

He would be humiliated, but Louis is stroking himself faster, the tip of his cock wet with a spot of precome.

“Get it out, bro,” Louis urges, still smirking. “It’s not a big deal, yeah? Just a bit of fun between mates.”

Part of Niall is relieved at that idea, relieved that it’s not a big deal, not a huge, friendship-altering thing that they’re venturing into here. Another part of him is horribly disappointed that that’s all it is, just some fun. He pushes that part away, though, because he can’t start thinking shit like that. This is about getting off, plain and simple.

With shaky hands, he pushes his shorts down to his thighs, his cock sticking up as it’s freed. Louis watches as he wraps his hand around himself, but Niall is still watching Louis pull himself off. He shifts until he’s sitting with his legs stretched out toward the head of the bed, leaning back with his arm propped up behind him. This way, they can both see each other clearly.

“Sick,” Louis says, his gaze trained on Niall’s cock.

Niall isn’t sure if he’s just getting off on the fact that Niall is getting off on _him_ or if he actually likes watching Niall as much as Niall likes watching him, but it doesn’t really matter. He’s still watching Niall wank, biting on his lip and breathing out little sighs. He’s still getting off on it and that’s fucking mad.

And hot. It’s really fucking hot.

When Niall moans, dropping his head back for a second, Louis moans, too. When he speeds up his hand, Louis speeds up, too. When Louis whispers Niall’s name on an exhale, Niall whimpers out Louis’ name. It barely feels like they’re wanking themselves; it feels like they’re getting each other off, like their hands may as well switch places.

It’s that thought that pushes him dangerously close to the edge. He wonders what Louis would do if he just reached out, if he touched him. He can’t, he knows that. He can’t make that move; it has to be Louis to do it. So instead, he stares at Louis’ perfect cock and imagines what it must feel like. He imagines feeling the pulse of it, how hot and heavy it must be. He doesn’t look away, his lips parted, and he twists the bedsheets in one fist, the other flying over his cock until his orgasm shakes through him and he comes over his stomach.

“Shit, yeah,” Louis rasps, watching as Niall comes, and just a few moments later, he comes, too, splattering the bottom of his vest.

When they’re both finished, sitting breathless and wet with their dicks still out, their eyes meet. Niall is afraid of what might come, afraid that it’ll be awkward now, but Louis just starts laughing. Whether it’s the buzz in his system or the orgasm, Niall doesn’t know, but Louis curls onto his side, laughing goofily, and it makes Niall relax about all of it.

Just a bit of fun between mates. That’s all it is.

He grabs a box of tissues from the table and wipes up his own stomach and dick, and then throws the box to Louis as he tucks himself back in. He’s not sure if he should go now or what; he’s never had a fuck buddy, so he’s not sure how it works. Luckily, Louis saves him from having to guess.

“Hey, grab the remote. Let’s see what’s on the telly.”

Niall tosses the remote at him and sits down on the bed again, his back against the headboard now. He still makes sure there’s a gap between them, worried that if they get too close, Niall will do something idiotic like ask him for a kiss. That would be the worst thing he could do, probably. He’s pretty sure that mates don’t kiss and Louis has made it quite clear that that’s what they are. Just mates who occasionally watch each other come.

No big deal.

-

The tour is going at warp speed. They only have four shows left, one more here in Newcastle and three in Sheffield, and then that’s it. That’s the end of the tour. Usually one tour ending just means focusing on everything else before the next one starts. This time, there is no next one.

It’s fucking bizarre and Niall knows that it’s time – they all need a good, long break – but he can’t help but want to slam the brakes and slow this one down, to draw it out a bit longer. He wonders if he and Louis will still send each other videos once they’re not on the road together. He wonders if maybe Louis will invite him round to have some beers and to get off together. He can’t help but think that he won’t, that it’ll all end with the tour.

What he does know is that Louis is going to be distracted while they’re in Sheffield, with his family around. It’s not likely that they’ll do anything there, so he wants to get one last go in before they move on. Instead of waiting for Louis to text him, he texts Louis this time.

_want to hang out? i’ve got beer_ , he sends along with a beer emoji and a smiley face.

He waits twenty minutes for a response before he gives up and thinks about just going to sleep. In all honesty, Louis is probably out at a club, pulling a pretty girl. And that’s fine. They’re mates. Niall needs to remember that.

He turns off the telly and the lights, ready to get into bed, when there’s a knock on the door. His stomach flips as he turns away from the bed and goes to open it, finding Louis standing there, his hair damp and soft from a shower. His smile is sober this time and Niall’s stomach flips again, more aggressively, because Niall wants to kiss him so fucking badly.

“Are you just hanging out in the dark?” Louis asks, walking into the room past Niall.

“Wasn’t sure you were coming,” Niall answers, closing the door. There’s a nightlight plugged in under the desk, giving off just enough light that he can cross the room without running into anything. “I was gonna just go to bed. But now that you’re here-”

He doesn’t get to finish his sentence because, as he walks past Louis on his way to turn a lamp on, Louis grabs him around the waist, pulls him back. “Now that I’m here,” he repeats quietly, twisting Niall around and grabbing his shirt. He walks backward, pulling Niall along, until Louis’ back hits the wall. “Sick of just watching, mate.”

Niall’s stomach drops at the words, his heart starting to race. Louis’ hands slide down his chest, settling on his hips and squeezing them lightly, sending a shiver down Niall’s spine. It’s too dark to see much of him, even standing toe to toe, but Niall’s gaze drops to the shadow of his lips. He nearly gets up the courage to lean in, to just do it, but then Louis speaks, interrupting him.

“I’ve seen the way you look at my dick when we wank. Like you want to taste it. Am I wrong?”

Niall’s hands go numb, his breath caught in his chest. Fuck, they’re really doing this. He can’t believe they’re really doing this.

“No,” he admits, his voice whispered, glad for the darkness to hide in.

“Didn’t think so,” Louis answers, confident and gentle at the same time. “What are you waiting for then?”

Niall doesn’t even hesitate, not wanting to lose his chance. He drops to his knees, the good one first and then gingerly putting his weight on the scarred one. Louis is wearing joggers that slip easily from his hips when Niall tugs at them and he finds him naked underneath. His dick isn’t hard yet, just starting to thicken up, and Niall is glad. He wants to do it all himself, wants to know that, when Louis does get hard, it’s all because of him.

He presses his face into Louis’ stomach first, taking a moment to breathe and pressing a kiss into the soft skin there. He smells like soap, like he’d planned this out ahead of time. He’d _wanted_ this. He _wants_ it.

When fingers tangle into his hair, resting against his scalp, Niall squeezes his eyes tightly shut and tries to take it all in. It’s too much, though, and his head swims with it, so he drops his head down, pressing his open mouth to the side of Louis’ dick.

“Shit,” Louis gasps as Niall kisses his hardening cock. “Shit, Niall, that’s good.”

Niall takes the encouragement, feels it spread warmth through his chest, and slides his lips over Louis’ length, bringing a hand up to slowly stroke the bottom half. It’s all really fucking new; Niall’s never even touched another guy’s dick, much less put his mouth on one. But it’s an exciting kind of new. He trusts Louis. He knows that it’ll be good.

When he finally takes Louis into his mouth properly, it feels like it’ll be too big. It’s not like Louis has a monster cock or anything, but he has to be above average in size and Niall struggles to figure it out for a few seconds. He can’t really suck around it because his mouth is already too stretched out, so he just has to get it really wet and pull his lips as tight as possible, sliding down.

“Oh my god,” Louis mumbles above him, his fingers tightening in Niall’s hair. Niall isn’t sure if that’s a good sign, but he trusts that it is. If it was bad, Louis would probably be pulling Niall off of him instead of cradling his head closer.

It takes a few minutes to really get the hang of it, but eventually he does. It’s messy, spit spilling from the corners of his mouth and his eyes watering when he lowers too far. He gags a few times, but it doesn’t seem to put Louis off, so he doesn’t give up. After a bit, though, his jaw is starting to ache and he pulls off just for a moment, to give it a rest.

“You okay?” Louis asks through the dark, breathing heavily around the words.

“Yeah, yeah, good,” Niall answers, amazed at how rough his voice comes out. “Just needed a second.” He rests his forehead against Louis’ hip, keeps his hand working over his spit-slick cock, and nearly whimpers out loud when he feels Louis carding his fingers through his hair. He’s surprisingly patient and gentle and this is another one of those moments, Niall getting to see more and more of those hidden sides of Louis.

And suddenly he wants to make this the best fucking blowjob he possibly can.

He gets his lips wet again and then swallows him down in one go, as far as he can without gagging. And maybe it’s not all that far, maybe most people could take more, but he’s not thinking about anyone else. He’s not thinking about the girls who have been in this position, with Louis thick and hot in their mouths. The only people that exist right now are he and Louis; no one else matters.

“Niall, _Jesus_ ,” Louis chokes out. “That’s fuckin’ perfect, mate, bloody hell.”

Niall learns quickly that smiling while giving a blowjob is a no-go, so he pushes it away, focused on keeping his lips tight and his tongue moving against the underside of Louis’ cock. It’s not easy, but he loves every second of it, loves having Louis in his mouth. He fucking loves hearing Louis fall apart for him.

He loves, more than anything, making Louis feel good.

“Ah, fuck, pull off,” Louis gasps soon enough, his body going rigid.

Niall does, slips his mouth off of Louis’ cock, but he keeps his hand moving, stroking him until he starts coming. It splashes against his jaw, drips down to his neck, and Niall almost wishes that he’d stayed on and swallowed. As Louis finishes shooting, he slows his hand to a stop and dips down to take him into his mouth again, gently sucking and tasting the leftover come. It’s not bad, sort of bitter, but something he could get used to.

“God,” Louis shudders out, his fingers carding through Niall’s hair again. “That was amazing, Niall. You’re fucking amazing.”

It’s rare for Louis to dole out such a straightforward compliment that isn’t laced with sarcasm, so Niall slips off of his cock again and presses his smile into Louis’ stomach. Again, he’s glad for the darkness because he’s sure it’s written across his face, how much it means to him to hear Louis saying that.

“Get up off your knees,” Louis says, grabbing weakly at Niall’s arm. “Let’s lie down for a bit. I’ll repay the favour once my muscles aren’t so wobbly.”

Niall gets up, stretching his legs out, and follows Louis over to the bed. They lie down side by side, not nearly as close as Niall would like to be. But Louis throws a floppy arm over Niall’s stomach and says, “Thanks, Nialler,” and Niall thinks that he can’t be disappointed. Not with the way this night has gone, not with any of it.

“Anytime, Lou,” he answers, smiling to himself.

-

Despite Louis’ offer to repay the favour, they both fall asleep before anything else can happen. When Niall wakes up, it’s still dark and a quick glance at the alarm clock tells him that it’s just past four in the morning. He has no reason to be awake, but as he comes to, he realises that he and Louis have moved closer through the night. He’s curled up under Louis’ arm, his head resting on his shoulder, and Louis’ leg is hooked over Niall’s.

He takes several minutes to enjoy it, breathing Louis in, before he slowly shifts, trying to extricate himself. As soon as he does, Louis grunts in his sleep, rolling toward Niall and pulling him back.

“Stop being awake,” he mumbles, more than half-asleep. In reality it sounds more like _sopbeanway_ , but Niall has spent enough time around sleepy Louis to have learned the language.

Niall laughs tiredly, squirming out of Louis’ grasp. “I just need a wee. I’ll be back in a sec.”

Louis grunts again, but he lets Niall go, flopping his head down on the pillow. Niall is fairly sure that he’ll be asleep before he even closes the bathroom door.

After he’s had a wee, he washes his hands, looking at himself in the mirror. He doesn’t look any different than the day before, aside from the four AM sallowness of his skin. He feels different, though, like he’s changed forever. It’s all been leading up to this for weeks, but now he’s actually had another guy’s dick in his mouth and he fucking loved it. Maybe that doesn’t necessarily mean that anything has to change, but maybe it’s okay if it does.

It’s too early to get too caught up in such enormous thoughts, so he dries his hands and flips off the light before walking back out into the room. He’s surprised when he finds a lamp on and Louis sitting up in bed.

“Go back to sleep, idiot,” Niall tells him, taking in his puffy eyes and mussed-up hair.

“Is your dick piss-free?” Louis asks, effectively ignoring his comment altogether.

Niall stops by the bed, hesitating before climbing back in. “Yeah,” he answers slowly, raising an eyebrow. “Why?”

Instead of answering, Louis pulls him down onto the bed, presses him back against the sheets. He moves between Niall’s legs and brings his fingers to the waistband of Niall’s shorts before Niall finally reaches out, stopping him.

“Dude, it’s four in the morning. You don’t have to do this now.”

Louis shakes his hands easily, going right back to his shorts. “I want to. Unless _you_ don’t want to, shut up and let me.”

Niall huffs out a laugh at his bossiness, still smiling when Louis peels his shorts off, spreading his legs. “Yes, sir. Jesus, so grumpy in the morning.”

Louis leans down and licks a stripe over his still mostly soft cock, settling down between Niall’s legs. “Yep. And you’re about to get the best grumpy blowjob of your life,” he says, and then sucks Niall into his mouth.

Niall gasps, looking down at his best mate sucking his dick in the low lamplight. Despite his gruffness, he’s surprisingly gentle, his lips lax and his tongue soft, as he sucks Niall to full hardness. Niall was going to say something, some sort of retort, but he falls silent, watching Louis reverently. It’s incredible and soft and quiet and Niall has never felt anything like this for anyone he’s fooled around with before. He’s never been so enamoured with the person giving him a blowjob that he wants to pull them up just to kiss them.

But they’re just mates. This is all about the orgasms.

Louis pops off a few minutes in, his hand stroking Niall’s dick, and he looks at it for a moment before glancing up at Niall. “Sucking dick is weird,” he says conversationally. “Like, not bad weird. Kind of, like, cool. Good, maybe. I don’t know, I’m talking shit.”

Niall bites down on his smile and answers, “Yeah, you really are.”

Louis grins and he still looks sleepy, but not like he’s about to fall asleep, at least. “I’m just saying I like it,” he says, turning back to Niall’s cock. “With you, I like it.”

He’s back on, sucking Niall perfectly, before Niall can think too much about that statement. It probably doesn’t mean anything beyond the fact that they’re good mates and now they’re good mates who give each other blowjobs and that’s pretty awesome. Niall is okay with that, he really is. It’s more than he could have hoped for.

When he comes, Louis swallows around him and he splutters a little bit, but he manages it. Niall stares at him for a long moment after, watches him lick a dribble of come away from his lip, and aches to kiss the taste of himself out of Louis’ mouth. Instead, they flick the lamp off and Niall rests his head on Louis’ shoulder again, tucking into his side. They eventually fall asleep, before the sun has a chance to rise on them.

As much as Niall wants more, he’s pretty fucking happy just like this.

-

He was right about Sheffield. Louis’ family is there, as well as pretty much everyone they’ve ever met. Every time Niall sees another familiar face, he’s reminded that this may be it. This may be their last show as a band. They’re supposed to come back, but he isn’t stupid; he knows that there’s a very real possibility that they won’t.

When the last show is finally upon them, they huddle together and try to take it in. It’s too big, though. The moment is too gigantic to really appreciate. Niall remembers imagining their last show not all that long ago. He’d imagined looking out in the crowd and seeing everyone he knew, imagined going out in a blaze of glory.

He’d imagined, of course, another person in the pre-show huddle. Another person on the stage.

He’d heard a rumour that Zayn might come to the show, but he hadn’t been foolish enough to believe it. It’s been months, but there’s still enough weirdness between them that it would be a fucking shock if he were to show up. When he doesn’t, Niall isn’t disappointed. He can’t be.

The show is one he’ll remember forever, he knows. The energy is insane and Niall has to reel back his emotions a few times, reminding himself that this isn’t necessarily it for them. And, even if it is, he can’t let the fans see that he thinks that it might be. So, he smiles because it’s a fucking good night, and he lets the tightness sit in his chest without letting it rise any higher.

After, he goes back to the hotel. The other lads are all splitting off, heading home or to visit family or on holiday, but Niall wants to just chill for the night and head back to London the next day. He’s already done the family thing in Dublin and his closest friends are either there or back in London, so he doesn’t have any obligations.

And that’s why it surprises him when there’s a knock on his door after he’s gotten out of the shower and changed into pyjamas. He goes to look through the peephole, assuming that it’ll be security but not wanting to take any chances on a crazed fan getting in. What he sees is a very tiny, very distorted image of Louis.

He rips the door open, shocked that he’s there. He’d said he would be going back to Doncaster with the family straight after the show.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, stepping aside to let him in.

Louis doesn’t answer, walking through the doorway and shutting the door behind him. Without even a second’s pause, he drops his hands to Niall’s sides and pushes him back against the wall right there inside the door. Niall’s breath catches a moment before Louis presses into him, kissing him.

His mind is loud with thoughts, his hands shaky as they find Louis’ arms, pulling him closer. He lets out a pitiful, desperate noise as Louis parts his lips, kissing him deeper and deeper until everything shuts off and Niall just sinks into it. And it’s everything he could have wanted in a kiss, better than he ever could have hoped for. It’s not awkward, not strange to be kissing his mate; it’s just fucking amazing.

“I do have to go,” Louis says between kisses, “and I’ll be in Donny for a few days.”

Niall nods, not letting go of Louis’ lips, barely even listening. He cups the sides of Louis’ neck, drawing him in closer, their tongues touching like a spark between them. It goes on like that for a few minutes before Louis finally pulls back, his breath heavy against Niall’s lips.

“But then I’ll be back to London,” he says, continuing his earlier train of thought.

It takes Niall a second to catch up, but he gets there, nodding again and saying, “Okay,” still not sure what Louis is getting at.

Louis kisses him again, softer this time, and says, “I want to keep this up if you do.”

Niall’s eyes squeeze shut, his hands twisting into Louis’ t-shirt. “Just fun between mates?” he asks, hating that he can hear the fear in his own voice.

His head drops back against the wall as Louis dips down, pressing a kiss to the side of his neck. “Well, you _are_ my mate and we _do_ have fun,” he says, scraping his teeth against Niall’s skin in what is probably supposed to be a playful gesture, but just makes Niall choke back a moan. “But it could be more than that, maybe. If you’re up for it, it could be more.”

Niall grins toward the ceiling before dropping his head, finding Louis’ lips again. Now that he knows that he can kiss him, he doesn’t really want to stop. “As long as you send me lots of videos to last until you get back, then yeah, I’m fucking up for it.”

Louis grins into Niall’s mouth, nips at the corner of his lips, and says, “Deal, mate.”

He’s gone a moment later, but Niall can wait a few days. He’s got nothing but time.


End file.
